So, here it is! The first post to the blog that will break some things down and hopefully some barriers down too. I will be as transparent with my content as I want. After all, this is my place of peace, right?
Throughout my entire life I’ve always felt like I was just…here. Existing. I always felt like I was just stumbling through my life. Quite literally, actually. I’m extremely clumsy and that has spilled over into my real life and how I handle things. That’s especially true in my relationships..
I fell in love for the first time when I was 12 years old. Again at 17, and again at 24. I have always questioned myself on whether or not love was for ME. When I was young I grew myself up on R&B, chick flicks, romantic comedies, and melodramatic teen series, such as DeGrassi: The Next Generation. Lol. (That was my favorite) Anyway, while taking indulging countless hours in all of these characters, I began to think, “Wow! I want THAT kind of love.” Needless to say, I’m single.
In between the times that I have been in love there was a lot of hurt, pain, confusion, miscommunication, low self-esteem, and insecurities. I was a mess. I allowed people to take advantage of me, my niceness, my nurturing nature, and my inability to say “no” for the fear that I’d be missing something. Or, if I just hung in a little longer this person will be able to fulfill whatever it is I’m missing. I was doing myself a great disservice. I wanted the images I pictured when I belted out notes from the love songs. I wanted the type of attention the guy gave the girl once she was his in the movies. I wanted the type of black love success stories I’d seen in my friends have. I wasn’t so naïve to think love was perfect, but I wanted L O V E. And I wanted it to want me.
That landed me in a bunch of “situationships”. A situationship is an urban phrase that plagues most relationships knowingly and unknowingly. If you ask folks the definition, you may get similar answers but in the end they all boil down to this: Dating someone with the “no strings attached "mindset. There is no requirement to be committed, no expectations to move beyond the situation at hand. Most times its ” it is what it is" or “we are what we are”. The thing is, being in a situationship is really tricky at least for me. And here’s why: Let’s say you meet a guy. Ya’ll sense the mutual attraction, you connect, and you start seeing each other. You two date, take interest in each other’s personal lives, acknowledge achievements, birthdays, talk all day, text all night, and even come home to one another occasionally. You’re not alone, because you have tis wonderful person who is damn near close to perfect- everything that you wanted seemed to be right in front of you. However when you bring up the “R word” the situation changes a bit. He doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you but he’s willing to act like you guys are already there and even get the perks too. THAT is a situationship at its finest. And you can’t talk about it to your girls because you cant explain what hasn’t been defined by you and your “situation”. Not to mention the fact that its socially unacceptable and you don’t want the judgment.
That shit stung. but, after it happened I vowed to treat Tasha better. She knew better. She deserved better . I wanted to treat my heart better.
That was the Fall of 2014,
and by the Spring of 2015 I birthed KissMyHeart Cosmetics It was everything I felt emotionally molded into color and placed on the lips. I needed an outlet. Something would allow me to get back to ME. I loved lipstick and it was the one thing I knew that I could wear and be as unapologetic and as authentic as possible. I never hide behind my lipstick. I wear that shit like a badge of honor. So, I created a line of products that would blossom into the brand it is today. I just wanted to express myself through color. I may not know a lot but I do know love.
Now, KissMyHeart Cosmetics is just a branch under the KissMyHeart Brand umbrella. Taking time to really reflect and grow, through what I've been going through gave me the final push to create something bigger than I had ever imagined it could be.
Even though I haven’t experienced it the way I thought I would or should, I have had the chance to explore so much more of myself and give myself so much love and joy in various was. Not to mention, I have a beautiful little girl that keeps me inspired. I learned to stop looking for “love” and look at the love and embrace it because its right in front of me. I continue to create my love and present it to you. KissMyHeart 💋♥️