Closing the first month of the year out with a bang. And Im not sure that I mean that in a bad way. However, Im trying to not worry about what I already place out of my hands. All I can do is all that I can do. Now, that doesn't mean that I am not proactive, smart , resilient, or even concerned with the everyday life and the day to day operations. But, what it does mean is that I am not going to stress out and overthink whats happening anymore.
Here are a few things that have happened to me this month:
1. I quit my job. Not the ideal way to tart the year in financial straits but the fact is as a single mom, paying more in childcare than my monthly expenses with the help of Title XX is not the route I wanted to take anymore. My last check from my job after taxes was a laughable, to say the least. And THAT got me to thinking that I waned so much more and that maybe THIS was my plunge into my success story. Yes, it is a struggle for now but I do know that I m enjoying being home doing what I ultimately love- being a mother.
Why I'm not worried about it:
I gave all I could to the job I was trying to turn into a career until I realized that I had nothing else to gave, nor was I valued in the organization and so I'd rather walk away and feel like I lost nothing in the end. If I'm gonna talk the talk about being happy and exuding that throughout different areas of my life, then I'm going to walk the walk, literally. Besides, being home allowed me to get back in tune with me and figure out whats next for me professionally and reroute some of my goals.
2. Nala turned THE BIG ONE!!! And because of the aforementioned, I was a little hard on myself about not being able to give her the birthday party I thought she should have. I was also worried that no one would show for her big day. Although it was intimate, I still gave out invites. Her father din't call her and that put me on edge a bit too. I wanted to go all out but my finances were saying "You know ya'll staying in, right?" But all was well. I took my focus off the material things and who I thought should be there for Nala and focused on the fact that I have a beautiful baby girl who is entering the toddler stage and is healthy and vibrant and smart. Not too bad for a child that wasn't supposed to make it out of the ICU. I am beyond grateful.
3. I survived my first emotional breakdown this moth. A complete purge of emotions that I ahd ben shoving to the back of heart like a cluttered closet. I am learning to not take things personally, and also to say things when I feel them.
4.I have decided to do another BIG CHOP. Style is now TBD, but I can say that what I'm picturing is going to be very, ME. The more I get to know myself, the more I am embracing the daring lioness that is within me.... I have so much fire inside of me and it is literally smoldering. I'm done with that. I'm done being basic. It's time to breathe and boss tf up, ya'll hear me?!?!?!