So right now I want to talk about shifting. Recently I’ve begun my own shift. Well actually, my shift started long before I noticed it and I’m just now accepting it and manifesting it.
Thursday morning was a normal day. Routine for my 5 month old is that I get her ready, dressed, and prepped for school. I dropped her off and it was raining pretty tough. I went into Family dollar to get some household things and came home.
I told my best friend I was going to cut my hair and he like says for everything, “Alright. Do it.”
I walked to the bathroom and started from the back. Snip. Something I couldn’t come back from. I snipped away a few individually, exhaled and kept going. This time in small bunches. Hearing the bladed grind against my hair and watching my hair fall into the sink was both exhilarating and terrifying… soon I was left with what I would find out from natural hair world was call a “twa” or “teeny weenie Afro”. That was it. That was my start.
For the past 6 ½ years my hair had grown. But it had been stunted. It had stopped growing due to stress, low self-esteem, fighting, doubt,toxic relationships, and draining friendships. All of that mess was entangled in my strands..To an outsider my hair looked like it was just a brown crown that seemed in place but inside - the root was severely damaged. I had held on to that damage so long both literally and metaphorically. I would try to “mend” my locs by joining two damaged locs together or a weaker one to a stronger on, or I iWork’s knot the locs that were thinning out so they wouldn’t break.
You know that saying “Don’t fix what isn’t broken.”? Well it should’ve been “Don’t hold on to what was trying to be free.” I kept trying to rework things that had already worked themselves out. I kept trying to make solutions where there was already a resolve. I needed to LET GO!! I was holding onto everything and everyone who didn’t want or need to be there. I was damaged.
I could no longer continue to pretend that I was okay. My struggles were internal and it was up to me and The Most High to get through. Cutting my locs off and clearing space for positivity and clarity was what I needed sorely. Learning not to be attached to people, situations, or things that were no longer beneficial to my spirit, my heart or my health is the biggest lesson in willing to continue to learn. After all I do have a small vessel to pour into. So, I had to let the season shift me and transition me into who I am ultimately becoming and embracing her full force.
I read a post from a Facebook friend that said “The next 177 days of 2017 is about knowing your worth, knowing/ fulfilling your purpose, and putting your happiness first.”
That couldn’t be more true for me. I am happy. I see a bit of a glow coming on. So I’m am indeed accepting the shift taking place. And while doing so, I’ll continue to walk in my light so I can shine for Nala.